If you’re a lucky person traveling through this life of ours, you’ve experienced what it’s like to call a person not a place home. It’s through this person that we are able to be ourselves good and not so good including looking our best and looking our worst. When we’re strong we help lift our home and when we’re weak or face the inevitable challenges of life on the planet we seek shelter at home. [Read more…]
Life and married life have a way of dripping one day… month….. year into another. What happens without at least a little expectations management can often turn out like the finger-paint picture we did as children. The pictures were fabulous with lovely lines and brilliant colors going round and round and all over the place. They were masterpieces. [Read more…]
Let’s talk about self soothing and soothing our spouses for a moment. Have you ever heard anything bad about soothing. For example, ” it was just awful the way She/he soothed me. It just made me feel so damn good”. ” Honey, I wish you wouldn’t soothe me like that it make me feel so good”.. No I think we need lots of person to person soothing behavior in this world.
What’s the one thing we know about fire? It can spread from a small spark to a huge event. So encouraging you to re-light the fire in your marriage by taking some small steps and get your mind off the end game. In marriages with little romance couples try to much or focus on the “big event” rather than a little hugging, caressing, massaging, and/or kissing. And yes, when spouses are unhappy/angry/disagreeable it’s really hard to think about kissing and hugging……
Some of us do a lot of things for our spouses. They ask us or they want us to do these things for many reasons. We do them because we care or feel obligated or both. There is however so many things our partners want us to do with them together and not just for them.
Did you ever notice that challenging circumstances in your marriage always seem to happen at your individual border and boundaries? Think of yourselves as two neighborhoods in the city of Marriage. You each have patrols which are on the lookout for threats to the rules you live under in your neighborhood. Challenges, demands, frustrations and needs coming from your partner in the other neighborhood are met with fierce resistance or represent onslaughts that are just too powerful to stand up against. So threats are defended against or they over-run you.
Remember the beginning of your relationship when you fell in love with this special person who showed you so much love and attention. Where did they go? You got married and at some point you realized that all that wonderful attention and love which by the way was the reason, perhaps the clincher of why you married in the first place has left the premises or just went poof and vanished. [Read more…]
If the ultimate goal of your marriage is to really feel fulfilled and connected well you’re going to have to communicate effectively and with results that bring you closer instead of pushing you apart. So where to start? Let’s think about our daily contacts morning evening weekend phone text email touch. Wherever our relationship is or isn’t is determined by the quality and tone of our contacts in all mediums . It’s the message we’re getting and sending to each other. [Read more…]