Remember the beginning of your relationship when you fell in love with this special person who showed you so much love and attention. Where did they go? You got married and at some point you realized that all that wonderful attention and love which by the way was the reason, perhaps the clincher of why you married in the first place has left the premises or just went poof and vanished. [Read more…]
If the ultimate goal of your marriage is to really feel fulfilled and connected well you’re going to have to communicate effectively and with results that bring you closer instead of pushing you apart. So where to start? Let’s think about our daily contacts morning evening weekend phone text email touch. Wherever our relationship is or isn’t is determined by the quality and tone of our contacts in all mediums . It’s the message we’re getting and sending to each other. [Read more…]
After counseling couples for over 23 years and this being my 60th birthday I’m in a reflective mood.
So I have seen that when we agree to marriage we agree to some conflict. Somewhere in our minds we know we’ve heard this isn’t all hot sex and whispering sweet nothings in each others ear. After the plunge we see that we don’t just don’t agree on all matters and some of these cause conflict.
So what’s the take home…….stop being so hard on yourself and your spouse and find a way to weather the ebbs and tides of conflict and break real with each other. [Read more…]
Things getting a bit boring between you two..Well here’s some ways to Relight the Fire and heat things up a bit
You Two have to talk to eachother to clear the air and get things back on track…
So Have the conversation and start in a place that make sense to both of you ……..Just start and see what happens!
Love those comments
Negative communication isn’t just disappointing it’s damaging to your relationship and relationships You might not recognize that damage in the heat of argument but your 24hr/7day week on board Brain definitely does.
If you’re arguing yelling and fighting constantly you’re sending messages to each others brain that this is’nt a safe place and fear is prevalent. Our brains are always scanning the environment for threats. [Read more…]
OK..Yes.. I’m definitely harping on the adult play focus. I must be telling myself something by getting a similar message out twice in a row on the blog. Its winter….It’s cold here…people spend a lot of time indoors so why not be creative and transformational as well. [Read more…]
Same old same old. Same crap different day. As a couples therapist I have witnessed couples who are stuck in a highly developed Status Quo with the dials set on very unhappy. You can think of it as your Relationship Status Quo (RSQ). Your RSQ can be favorable or unfavorable. I have been married 29 years and believe me our relationship was stuck in a mutually non rewarding RSQ. [Read more…]
We fall in love and we make love challenging us to sustain our love so we can continue making love.
Sustaining love is in fulfilling our partners’ needs as best we can. The manner in which we conduct our marriage relates directly to the potential for a marriage filled with regular love making and sometimes with firework displays.
When was the last time you thought about those dreamy and steamy times when you first met. They are your archives your own private treasure trove of real intimate memories. Let’s take this a bit further. Remember your intimate times…… the first deep kiss, touching each other in private ways. The first time you made steamy, hot, passionate love. It was like being drunk with passion for each other and you couldn’t wait for the opportunity to do it again. [Read more…]
Can I go to the gym? May I please take that art class? Can I play poker tonight? Girls are getting together can I go? Good marriage is considerate marriage. Considerate marriage is not obedience based. It is not the military…..Permission to leave the room Honey!
Some of you might be thinking it’s thoughtful to ask permission. Let’s not confuse consideration and thoughtfulness with permission and obedience. They are very different approaches. [Read more…]